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Ibimenyetso 5 byakwereka ko umukobwa yagukunze

Ibimenyetso 5 byakwereka ko umukobwa yagukunze
Ku bijanye no kumenya neza ivyiyumviro abagore canke abakobwa bagira iyo tugerageza gukundana nabo ; akenshi usanga abagabo batitwararika kumenya ibimenyetso bijanye n’urukundo.

Ivyo bigashikira abagabo bakunze canke batigeze bakunda, batinya ko bokwankwa. Kenshi rero usanga atar’uko abagabo banka kwitwararika ivyo bimenyetso, ahubwo ikibazo ni ukuba batabizi neza canke badafata umwanya ukwiye wo kuvyitegereza.

Nk’uko tubikesha itororokanirizo ry’amakuru : www.alangoldsher.com, hariho ibimenyetso barabirako kugira umenye ko umukobwa canke umugore yipfuza ko mukundana. Ivyo bigafasha kubikorerako gutyo ukaronka aho uhera.

1. Ikimenyetso co gushaka gutwenza

David Wygant, umwanditsi wa Always Talk To Strangers, ni umuhinga mu gutahura ibimenyetso ; avuga ko iyo umukobwa canke umugore ashaka ko akuba hafi mu mwanya uba ubabaye, akama ashaka kukubona uhimbawe mutwenga, hari iyindi ntambwe aba ashaka ko mushikako. Uwundi muhinga yitwa Rose Marie, umugore wo muri White Plains, New York, ashinga intahe aho avuga ati “Iyo nkeneye kugumana n’umugabo, iyo nipfuza ko twirirwana muhira, ngerageza kumutwenza, nkamusotora, mbere nkamera nk’aho nshaka gukina nawe”.

2. Ikimenytsoc’ umwanya w’ibiganiro

Iyo umugore aguhaye umwanya wo kuganira nawe mu mwanya w’akazi canke mu gihe gito c’akaruhuko ka saa sita, akenshi aba ari ukugira ngo muganire bisanzwe. Ariko iyo aguhaye umwanya wo ku mugoroba canke uwo mw’ijoro nko muri week-end, usanga ahanini aba ari ukugira ngo mube hamwe ugire ico umumarira nk’umugabo.

Umukobwa yitwa Shelly wo mu gisagara ca San Diego ; agira ati “Mfise akazi ahantu hari abasore benshi ndetse bakanansaba ko dusohokana. Iyo umwe muri bo nkunda canke numva ahimbara umutima wanje, ashatse ko dusohokana, ndamuha umwanya wo muri weekend (iminsiy’ikaruhuko) canke umwanya wo mw’ijoro kuko mba numva nipfuza ko twosangira ico kunywa canke ico kurya ndetse tukanaganira ku buryo umwe wese amenya uwundi bikwiye.

3. Ukuntu yifata muri kumwe

Hari amahirwe make cane kugira ngo umugore amenye uko yifata muriko muraganira. Ariko ubundi ni gute akwereka ko akwitayeho ? Umugore yitwa Jess, w’i New York, avuga ati “Akenshi uko umugore yigenza (woman’s gestures) biguha ubutumwa canke bikakwereka aho uhera ; nk’iyo uriko uravugana nawe ubona yabuze aho araba, yagize isoni, ikiganza ciwe gitora aka na kariya”, ngo aba yaranse abandi basore.

Ikindi ubimenyerako, igihe uriko uravugana n’umukobwa canke umugore atakwitayeho ngo azoba ariko aje hirya no hino ubona ko mutari kumwe canke yifashe neza (amaboko ku gikiriza= les bras croisés) ndetse akaza aravanga inkuru zawe n’ibindi bintu bitajanye n’ivyo wewe uriko uravuga.

4. Indabo ivuga ngo “Nagukunze”

Umusore ategerezwa kumenya ko iyo aguma ahuza amaso n’umukobwa aba ari kubera amukunda. Kuza murahuza amaso amasegonda arenze abiri ni ikimenyetso c’uko mwahuje imitima, intango y’urukundo. Ikindi ni uko iyo muhuje amaso hanyuma akava ku maso agaca araba iminwa yawe, bifise ico bivuga.

Umukobwa yitwa Moira wo kuri St. Louis, avuga ati “Namba ndabikora bimvuyeko ntavyo nzi ; gusa iyo nakunze umusore ndaba mu maso yiwe, hanyuma nkaraba ku minwa yiwe ; mu vy’ukuri ubwo ni uburyo bwokwereka umusore ko namukunze, mbere nkamera nk’aho muhaye akabizu.”

5. Gutera iyindi ntambwe

Iyo abagabo n’abasore babonye ko abakobwa babakunze, kiba ikibazo c’ukumenya uko bavyifatamwo. Wygant avuga ko iyo umukobwa yagukunze ari vyiza kumufasha kubiheraheza canke gushika ku ntumbero ashaka

Ushobora kumusaba ko mujana ahiherereye mukaganira ukamubwira uti “Urabizi ? Ndipfuza ko woza nkakwereka ahantu hari imfungurwa nziza ku mugoroba”. Iyo ari umukobwa mumaze iminsi muzinanye ; inyuma yogusangira nawe uramubwira uti “ndipfuza kukumenya birusha uko biri ubu ; nkakubera incuti, uvyumva gute ?" Azokwereka mu bimenyetso ukuntu nawe yabishatse kuva kera, kubera ko azoba yarasanzwe agukunda ,azokubwira ati “Ego”. Inyuma y’ivyo, hakenewe ko ugira umugambi urimwo ibintu bibiri : Gutohoza no gukoresha amahirwe aguhaye.
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