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Kutagira ubushake bw’imibonano mpuzabitsina, ububobere bucye mu gitsina

Kutagira ubushake bw’imibonano mpuzabitsina, ububobere bucye mu gitsina : Impamvu, Inama
Mu gushakira uyu mudamu igisubizo no kumugira inama, turifashisha inyandiko ya Dr Pierre Mathieu, Inzobere mu bijyanye n’ihuzabitsina n’Ubujyanama ku myitwarire y’ingo. Dr Pierre Mathieu akora aka kazi kuva mu mwaka wa 1996. Dore inyandiko ye icyo ivuga :

Hariho inzego ebyiri zo kubura ubushake bwo kunoza imibonano mpuzabitsina :
- Kubura ubushake byo ku rwego rwa mbere
- Kubura ubushake byo ku rwego rwa kabiri

Kubura ubushake byo ku rwego rwa mbere

Kubura ubushake byo ku rwego rwa mbere, ni hahandi umugore abura ubushake bwo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina, ndetse akabura n’ububobere mu gitsina burundu. Ibi bikaba bishobora kumara igihe kirekire ugereranije n’icyo yakagombye kumara mu gihe byaba ari ibintu bisanzwe wenda byatewe n’impamvu zitandukanye zoroheje.

Kubura ubushake bikamara igihe kinini, ndetse ukaba wavuga burundu mu gihe nta gikozwe, birangwa nuko umugore igihe cyose umugabo amukozeho agira ngo bagere ku ngingo, umugore amera nkaho nyamugabo ari guca umugani. Ntiyumva na busa ashaka imibonano. Akensh biramubabaza, akumva yifuza ko yabishaka, ariko akiyandayanda bikabura neza neza.

Ibi rero biterwa n’impamvu nyinshi. Nkuko Dr Pierre Mathieu abivuga, ngo hari igihe biterwa n’impamvu zo mu bwana. Igihe umugore akiri umwana yatinyaga imibonano mpuzabitsina bitewe nabwo n’impamvu zitandukanye, bishobora kumugaruka mu bwonko mu gihe akuze yaranashatse ariko ntahite avumbura ko ari za mpamvu zo mu bwana. Urugero: ashobora kuba yarakinnye iby’abana maze umubyeyi we akamukubita inkoni nyinshi cyangwa akamuhanisha igihano gikomeye cyane. Kuva ubwo ikitwa imibonano mpuzabitsina azahora agifata nk’umuziro. Ibi rero bishobora kugaruka nyuma kandi ntabimenye. Hari n’izindi mpamvu nyinshi. Ashobora kuba yarigeze kubaho ahatirwa imibonano mpuzabitsina, ashobora kuba atishimira uwo bayikorana. Uwigeze gufatwa ku ngufu we, akenshi biramugaruka iyo amaze gukura ; Ashobora kuba afite ibindi bibazo byo mu mutwe bituma atagira ubushake n’ibindi.

Hari indi mpamvu rero na yo ishobora kuba intandaro yo kudashaka na busa gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina, cyangwa umugore akagira ukumagara gukabije mu gitsina, yemwe akaba yumva yifuza kugera ku rwego rushimishije ariko ububobere bukaba iyanga. Uburyo yigishijwe ibijyanye n’imibonano mpuzabitsina akiri muto. Ibi bishobora kuba intandaro na byo mu gihe yaba yarigishijwe nabi ibijyanye n’imibonano mpuzabitsina cyangwa yarayikoreshejwe nabi bwa mbere.

Kubura ubushake byo ku rwego rwa kabiri

Iki gihe ho rero, umugore abura ubushake bwo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina n’uwo bashakanye, bakundana cyangwa bari kumwe, ariko yahura n’undi ubushake bukaba bwose. Mbese uyu bari kumwe na we, ntibibe buri gihe, bikaba rimwe na rimwe.
Iki gihe rero biba biterwa n’impamvu zitandukanye.
• Bishobora guterwa nuko hari ibyo ikuple (Couple) batumvikanaho hanyuma ntibishakirwe umuti. Icyo gihe iyo igikorwa gitangiye umugore ahita atangira gutekereza kuri ibyo bibazo cyangwa kubyibuka maze ubushake n’ububobere bikagenda nka nyomberi.
• Bishobora guterwa no kutaganira. Burya buri muntu agira aho aba yifuza ko agera cyangwa akorwa kugira ngo ubushake n’ibizongamubiri bizamuke. Iyo rero hatabayeho kuganira guhagije, ntabwo umwe agerera undi ku ngingo. Mubwire uti « Kora utya», « Kora aha »…
• Bishobora kuba biterwa nuko umugabo akora imibonano mpuzabitsina n’ubuhubutsi bwinshi. Icyo gihe ntabwo aba ashobora kuryohereza uwo bayikorana. Niba umugore ashaka ko witonda, itonde, niba akunda kuyikora ku muvuduko wo hejuru, vuduka…ubundi muganire mwumve ibyabanyura mwese.
• Mu mibonano mpuzabitsina kandi nta ugomba gutegeka undi, oya, ni ukujya inama.
Ikindi mugomba kumenya ni uko igihe cyose hatabaye ukumvikana mu gukora imibonano mpuzabistsina, byanze bikunze nta buryohe buzaba.

Inama

- Banza wisuzume, urebe niba ikibazo ufite ntaho gikomoka mu bwana bwawe cyangwa mbere yuko ushaka no mu gihe wenda wari ukiri umukobwa.
- Reba neza niba umugabo wawe mukundana koko mudahuzwa n’imibonano mpuzabitsina gusa.
- Reba niba mujya mugirana ikiganiro gihagije kandi niba mudakora imibonano mpuzabitsina mu buhubutsi bwinshi.
- Mugerageze gusohoka, kuganira, kuryoshya no mu bindi bitari imibonano mpuzabitsina gusa, kuko iyo mwaryohewe cyangwa mwaryoheje mu bindi mu mibonano ho birarusha.
- Reba niba umugabo wawe mutabana nka Boss na…mube inshuti, mwisanzuraneho, muganire kuri buri kantu kose.

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