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Uburyo bwo Kubaka Ubucuti n'Umukobwa Muhuye bwa Mbere

Mu gihe umubare w’abahungu batekereza ko badashobora gusaba umukobwa kuba inshuti (kumutereta) nta kibahuje nk’ishuri cyangwa akazi, ubushakashatsi bwakozwe mu wa 1997 n’itsinda ry’impuguke z’ Abanyamerika Charles Berger, Richard Caabresse na James Bradac mu by’imibanire (relational development), bwagaragaje ibyiciro (stages) wakurikiza kugira ngo wubake ubucuti n’umukobwa muhuye bwa mbere bitabaye ngombwa ko muhuzwa n’akazi n’ibindi.Dore ibyo byiciro uko ari bitanu nk’uko byashyizwe ahagaragara n’izo mpuguke:

1) Mbere ya byose, ugomba gufata umwanya wo kwitegereza uwo mukobwa ushakaho ubucuti cyangwa ukamuganiraho n’umuntu waba amuzi neza. Ariko byose bigakorwa wirinda ko yabimenya (pre-interaction stage).

2) Nyuma yo kumwitegereza cyangwa kumuganiraho ukabona ari sawa, ushaka uburyo mwazaganira agahe gato (byibura iminota ine) ku buzima busanzwe, ukirinda kugaragaza cyangwa kuvuga ko umushakaho urukundo (initiation stage).

3) Nimumara kumenyana muri make, hazakurikiraho gusangira ibitekerezo no kurushaho kumenyana, mukava mu by’ubuzima busanzwe ahubwo mukaganira ku buzima bwanyu bwite. Gusa ibyo biganiro ntibigomba kuba amaso ku yandi ahubwo ushobora kwifashisha telephone, e-mail, facebook n’ibindi (exploration stage).

4) Mukurikije ibiva mu biganiro, muzatangira kumva ko umwe agomba kubaho kubera undi (depending upon each other) ku buryo muzajya mwifuza kumarana igihe kirekire muganira cyangwa se murebana akana ko mu ijisho (intensification stage).

5) Nyuma bizarangira umwe yumva atabaho mugenzi we atariho. Aho ni ho bavuga ngo ”urukundo rubaye ibamba”. Icyo gihe muzatangira kumva ko atari ngombwa kuganira ku rukundo gusa ahubwo mukaganira no ku buzima busanzwe (you talk about anything and everything). Iyi ntambwe ni yo ya nyuma. Yitwa “intimacy stage”.

Nyuma y’ubu bushakatsi nkugejejeho, ndahamya ko wowe muhungu usobanukiwe neza uburyo watereta umukobwa bitabaye ngombwa ko hagira ikindi kibahuza. Nyuma y’uko hari zimwe mu inshuti z’Umuganga.com zagaragaje ko hari n’abakobwa biteretera abahungu, nizeye ko na bo banyuzwe. Gusa izo ntambwe (stages) zose zishyirwa mu bikorwa buhoro buhoro, nta guhubuka ngo wumve ko byose bigomba gukorwa umunsi umwe kuko urukundo rurubakwa (love is a process). Ubutaha tuzaganira ku buryo wamenya niba inshuti yawe yarakwanze ntibikubwire.

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