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Waba uzi Mpandeshatu y’Urukundo

Urukundo ni ibyiyumvo biza mu muntu bifite ingufu maze bikamutera kumva agomba kugira undi muntu yitaho kandi bakagirana umushyikirano n’umubano wimbitse utuma bizirikanaho, bakagirana ubucuti n’umushyikirano birambye bituma bisanzuranaho, basangira twose, babwirana twose mbese bakaba inkoramutima. Kugira ngo rukomere urukundo rugomba kurangwa no kumvikana hagati y’abakundana, kutagira ibyo bahishanya, kwishyira mu mwanya wa mugenzi wawe, kutikunda no kutihugiraho maze byose bigakomezwa no gucisha bugufi aho umwe yumva mugenzi we akamwubaha mbese bakarangwa no kubahana. Urukundo ni nka rukuruzi kandi burya ku bazi umubare warwo ngo burya uko uba hafi y’uwo ukunda mukaganira ukamumenya byimazeyo burya ngo birarwongera. Nyamara ngo biba umwaku iyo uri kure y’uwo ukunda kuko burya narwo rugendera ku ntera iri hagati y’abakundana! Ikindi na none nuko nk’uko bigaragara muri ubu busobanuro, urukundo rwitaweho rugasigasirwa rwagira isi paradizo kandi n’ubundi erega ni narwo ruyitwaye dore ko ikiremwamuntu cyunzwe narwo ndetse kandi rukaba runatuma isi itazima mu binyabuzima biyigize. Nta kabuza ko ruvuyeho isi yashira burundu!

Bikunze kugibwaho impaka, abantu bibaza ibigize urukundo. Nk’uko byerekanywa n’umuhanga mu by’intekerezo, Robert Sternberg, ngo urukundo mu rwego rw’imibanire y’abantu rwagereranwa na mpandeshatu ndinganire igizwe n’uruhande rwo kuba inkoramutima ku muntu runaka (intimacy component). Muri uru ruhande iyo umuntu atangiye kwiyumvamo gukunda undi atangira kugira ibyiyumvo n’ibizongamubiri byo kumva yakwizirika ku nshuti ye akunda, akayiba hafi mbese bakaba akadatana.

Uruhande rwa kabiri rw’iyo mpandeshatu rugizwe no kwimariramo umuntu ari narwo kenshi rutuma umuntu yumva adatuje igihe abuze inshuti ye magara cyangwa se yabuze amahoro kubera umukobwa cyangwa umuhungu runaka yifuza ko yamuba hafi(passion component). Mbese usesenguye neza niho ibishashi by’urukundo bigaragarira. Aha ngo ni naho umuhungu cyangwa umukobwa batangira kumva bakorana imibonano mpuzabitsina kubera ibyiyumvo, ibizongamubiri ndetse n’amashagaga y’urukundo aba abagendamo.

Uruhande rwa nyuma rwo n’ingenzi cyane kuko ngo arirwo gufata icyemezo no kwiyemeza(decision/commitment component). Aha noneho, umuntu aba atangiye kurenga cya gice cyo gukunda byo gukemura ikibazo cy’ubushyuhe bw’igitsina, ahubwo atangiye gufata icyemezo cyo kugumana n’uwo akunda mu gihe kirekire, bagafatanya mu gupanga ejo hazaza kugira ngo bagire ibyo bigezaho.

Mu rugendo rw’urukundo, ingano n’igipimo cyarwo umuntu yakira iterwa n’ingufu z’uko uwo ukunda ahagaze kuri iyi mpandeshatu yavuzwe haruguru, akaba ari nayo mpamvu uyu muhanga yerekanye amoko y’urukundo akurikira agendeye kuri iyo mpandeshatu:

1. Urukundo rusanzwe. Iki gice cyerekana uburyo bisanzwe bw’imibanire y’abantu (casual interactions) aho uhura n’umuntu ukamusuhuza, mukaganira nta nyungu yindi runaka umutezeho.

2. Ubucuti. Aha ngo umuntu atangira kumva agize imvamutima zituma yumva yegereye uwo baba bahuye ariko ibyo byiyumvo ntibigere ku ntera ndende ishobora gutuma umuntu azongwa no kuba yamubuze cyangwa se ngo abe yanafata icyemezo cy’umubano urambye.

3. Agahararo(infatuated love). Ahangaha umuntu agira ibyiyumvo byihuse ndetse akimariramo undi byihuse cyane nk’umuriro w’ibishangara. Kenshi agahararo karangwa no gukururana. Kenshi mu rukundo nk’uru ikigamijwe aba ari ugukemura ikibazo cy’imibonano mpuzabitsina. Iyo rero hatabayeho kugenda umwe yiga undi no gukundana byimbitse biganisha ku kuba inkoramutima ndetse no gufata icyemezo cy’igihe kirambye hagati y’abakundana, agahararo karashira maze mwene urwo rugashira vuba.

4. Urukundo “vide”. Urukundo nk’uru rurangwa n’uko haba harimo gufata icyemezo cy’umubano w’igihe kirekire hagati y’abakundana ariko rukabura ibirungo mu mvugo y’iki gihe. Aha ni hahandi usanga umuhungu akunda umukobwa ndetse anamwizeza kubana nawe nyamara ukabona adashishikarira kumwegera ngo bishimane, baganire ndetse banaryoshye. Cyangwa se ugasanga nk’umukobwa akunda umuhungu ariko agatinya kumwisanzuraho ngo baganire ndetse banagirane ibihe byiza ahubwo yamara nko kuva aho ari agasigara abwira abandi uburyo akunda uwo muhungu. Gusa icyiza cy’uru rukundo ni uko rwo rushobora kuba intangiriro yo kwambikana impeta y’urudashira cyangwa se ku bakimara kubana mu rugo usanga arirwo rubaranga bakigana mbese bagihuzagurika nta n’umwe uramenya undi. Ariko uko bagenda bamenyerana niko bagenda bagirana ibihe byiza bituma urukundo rwabo rusagamba.

5. Urukundo rwo kuryoshya. Uru rukomoka ku kuba abakundana ari pata na rugi bityo bagashaka guhora bagirana ibihe byiza byo kurya ubuzima. Gusa akenshi usanga mwene uru rushirira mu kuryoshya ndetse no gukorana imibonano mpuzabitsina gusa kuko akenshi abagirana urwo rukundo baba batariyemeje kubana.

6. Urukundo rwitanga. Ni urukundo rushingira ku kuba abakundana ari inkoramutima kandi bafitanye n’ubucuti burambye biyemeza kugirana. Mwene uru ntirugira cya cyintu cyo gushyuha kuko ruba rufite icyerekezo. Uru rukaba ari urukundo rukunze kuranga abarushinze bamaranye igihe kirekire kuko kenshi usanga baba bagamije kureba icyabateza imbere kuruta kurangwa n’ubushyuhe bwerekeza ku kuryoshya n’imibonano mpuzabitsina. Uru kandi ni urukundo rushobora gusangwa hagati y’abavandimwe, abagize umuryango cyangwa abantu b’inshuti magara ndetse b’inkoramutima.

7. Urumamo. Uru ni urukundo ruza ruhutera nka serwakira aho umuntu ashobora gufata icyemezo akiyemeza kubana n’undi ariko k’ubw’impamvu cyangwa se inyungu runaka aba amukurikiyeho. Kenshi usanga rutaramba kuko iyo za nyungu zigamijwe zigezweho cyangwa se zikayoyoka umwe ahita aca ukwe undi nawe agaca ukwe bikarangirira aho ndetse akenshi akaba ari nayo mpamvu ingo nyinshi zitana zitamaze igihe kerekire.

8. Urukundo nyarwo. Uru ni urukundo rwuzuye ndetse ni narwo abantu bakagombye guhatanira kugeraho. Rurangwa no kuba inkoramutima, kuryoshya, kubwizanya ukuri, gusangira twose, ntirurangwa no kwikunda kandi ntirunyeganyezwa n’imiraba y’ibibazo n’ibigeragezo cyangwa ibishuko bitandukanye. Ku bashakanye bafite uru rukundo nk’uko Sternberg abivuga mu gitabo yise A Triangular Theory of Love, ngo bagirirana urukundo kandi buri munsi ukaba ari mushya kuri bo mu mibanire yabo aho ushobora no gusanga bakirebana akana ko mu mujisho na nyuma y’imyaka makumyabiri ndetse bakaba bakishimira no guhuza urugwiro batera akabariro nk’aho bakiri mu buto bwabo. Ikindi kandi abarufite mu mibanire yabo ni uko bashobora guhangana n’ibibazo byabagwirira bakabyitwaramo neza kubera gushikama. Ikindi kiruranga ni uko abakundana muri ubwo buryo umwe aba yishimira undi uko ari. Gusa aha akaba agira inama ababana ko urukundo nk’uru rutagomba kuvugwa ku munwa gusa ko ahubwo n’ibikorwa ari ingenzi kugira ngo rusagambe rushore imizi.

Nubwo urukundo kenshi rugira ayarwo aho inshuro nyinshi rubabaza cyane cyane uruba hagati y’abadahuje ibitsina iyo bagize amahitamo mabi, urukundo ni ingenzi mu buzima kuko rutuma umuntu agira ubuzima bwiza bikamurinda umunabi no guhora yigunze bityo ibyo akoze byose akabikorana ibakwe, umurava n’ibyishimo maze umusaruro ukiyongera.

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