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Wabigenza ute igihe Utandukanye n'Umukunzi Wawe

Guhemukirwa n’uwo mwakundanaga mugatandukana nabi ni ikintu abantu benshi batinya, ndetse kigatuma bamwe babigira urwitwazo bakanga kugira abakunzi! Uwo byabayeho bimugumamo mu buzima bwose aba asigaje kubaho ku isi, ariko abantu bose ntibabyakira kimwe.

Abahanga mu inyurabwenge (philosophes) no mu mbonezamubano (sociologists) bavuga ko icyangombwa atari ibikubaho (actions), ahubwo ari uko ubyakira (réaction). Kuba nahubuka nkagukubita urushyi ubwabyo sicyo kibazo, ahubwo wowe urwo rushyi urwakira ute? Ushobora guhitamo kuzamura umujinya, cyangwa ukampunga. Ushobora kumbaza icyo nkujijije, cyangwa ukandeba ukazunguza umutwe, ukanyereka ko ndi bule, ukigendera. Muri make hari uburyo bwinshi umuntu ashobora kwakiramo ibimubayeho.

Impamvu zo kumeneka umutima

Guhemukirwa n’uwo utari ubyitezeho (umubyeyi, umuvandimwe, inshuti, umukunzi) ni ikintu kibabaza kandi gishobora guhindura ubuzima bwawe burundu cyangwa kikanabuhagarika (ukiyahura). Impamvu ya mbere ibitera ni uko uba warahaye icyizere umuntu, kikaza kuraza amasinde. Ibyo bishobora gutuma nta muntu n’umwe uzongera kwizera. Niba ari umukunzi waguhemukiye, bishobora gutuma utazongera gukunda ukundi.

Hari umwami w’u Rwanda witwaga Yuhi III Mazimpaka, akaba yari afite abagore benshi yakekaga ko bamucaga inyuma. Yageze aho yanga abagore cyane, ahimba igisigo cyitwa Singikunda ukundi, kirimo interuro mwese muzi ivuga ngo “gukunda utagukunda ni nk’imvura igwa mu ishyamba!

Reka mbahe ishusho: Iyo wurira inzu cyangwa urukuta, uko uzamuka urwego niko wongera ibyago (risks) byo guhanantuka ukababara bikomeye. Mu rukundo naho niko bigenda kuko uko ufungura umutima wawe niko uwo uwufungurira aba ashobora kuzawujanjagura kurusha uwo uwufungurira gake. Aha byumvikane neza ko ntabuza abantu gufungura imitima yabo, ariko icyo ukora cyose ugomba kucyitondera.

Abantu bahura n’izo déceptions usanga akenshi baba barafunguye imitima yabo cyane, kandi hakiri kare. Iyo umuntu umuhaye ikintu atakiruhiye ntamenya agaciro kacyo, bikaba ari nabyo bituma agifata uko yishakiye (for granted).

Ikindi ni uko ushobora kwimarira mu muntu hakiri kare bikamutera ubwoba, kuko aba abona wabigize birefu (birebire) vuba vuba, maze akihungira. Urugero niba umaranye n’umuhungu amezi 3 ugatangira kumubwira aho abana banyu (mutarabyara, yewe ntimuranashakana) baziga, bizamutera ikibazo agukwepe. Niba ukundanye n’umukobwa ukamubuza ubuhumekero nabyo bishobora gutuma agukatira akajya kubushaka ahandi. Ibi ariko ntibigamije kuvuganira abantu bamena imitima y’abandi, ariko nawe ujye ubanza urebe niba hatarimo uruhare rwawe.

Urasabwa rero kwitonda mu bintu byose ukora, cyane cyane mu byitwa urukundo, aho uba ugomba gufungura umutima wawe, ariko ugaha umwanya uwo uwufunguriye nawe akagufungurira uwe, kandi ukanabanza gusuzuma niba koko akwiye ko umufungurira umutima.

Wabigeza ute igihe yigendeye cyangwa mutandukanye nabi?

Niba uwo muntu mwakundanaga, mwarabivuganye, mwarabisezeranye aguhemukiye: aguciye inyuma, ntakikwitayeho, yakubwiye ko byarangiye (it’s not you, it’s me n’izindi nteruro z’uburyarya),… ikintu cya mbere ukora ni ukubabara cyane. Ubwabyo si bibi kuko ni intambwe ya mbere yo gukira (le premier pas de la guérison/the first step of healing), ariko kuguma mu kababaro ni bibi cyane, nta n’icyo bimaze.

- Menya ko ubuzima bugikomeza: Uretse natwe tukiri abajene, wasanga wenda n’ababyeyi bacu nabo bagiye bababazwa n’abo bakundaga, baza gushaka abandi none dore baratubyaye. Wasanga yewe hagati yabo baragiye bababazanya, nyuma bakaza kwiyunga n’ubu bakaba bakiri kumwe. Uko byagenda kose ubuzima burakomeza, byibwire kandi ubyemere.

- Abantu bariho: Ndamutse nciye umugani ugira uti “akatabuze mu rutoki ni amakoma” hari ababifata ko nishongoye, ariko ntibibibujije kuba ari ukuri. Abahungu barahari n’abakobwa barahari.

Uzarebe mu bintu by’urukundo uzasanga abantu bemera iyo principe aribo bamererwa neza. Umusore wumva ko inkumi zihari (abana barahari wana…) usanga ntawe yizirikaho, iyo atewe indobo aguma ari relaxed ntiyumve ko isi irangiye, yirinda gushyuhaguzwa, kandi ibyo abakobwa barabibona bakabimukundira kuko ni imyitwarire iri cool (cool attitude). Ibyo nibyo bita abundance mentality, aho umuntu yizera ko ibintu bihari ku bwinshi. No muri business niko bigenda, abantu birirwa bataka bavuga ko amafaranga yabuze n’ubundi bakomeza kuyabura, mu gihe abagira imitekerereze iri positive ku mafaranga aribo bayabona…

- Kora ibigushimisha: N’ubwo ubabaye, hari ibintu ushobora gukora bigakushimisha kandi bikagutera imbaraga. Gutembera, gukora sport, kumva umuziki mwiza, gusenga (burya birafasha nyamara), kwitabira ibirori, guhura n’inshuti zawe mukagirana ibihe byiza, ngibyo ibintu bizagufasha kugarura ubuya…

- Irinde gushyira ibintu mu gatebo kamwe (generalization): Iki ni ikintu kitari cyiza na mba! Kuvuga ngo “abahungu bose ni indyarya, abakobwa bose ni abana babi, n’ubundi urukundo ntacyo rumaze,…” ni ukwanduza inzira uzanyuramo kuko byanze bikunze abakobwa n’abahungu bazakomeza kubaho.

Iyi ngingo yo gukira ibikomere by’urukundo nayivuzeho kuko twabisabwe n’abantu batari bake, ariko nanjye ndabizi ko ibyo mvuze ari bike cyane. Byaba byiza abasomyi batanze ibitekerezo, tukazabiheraho dukora igice cya kabiri.

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1 comments:

Unknown said...

Ese mwazatwandikiye igisigo cyose singikunda ukundi.

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