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Urukundo:impumyi cyangwa ikiyobyabwenge ?

Abantu benshi bemera ko urukundo rubaho,bamwe bagakunda bikabahira, abandi bakabihomberamo. Iyo ugiye kwitegereza ariko usanga abenshi iby’ urukundo batabivugaho rumwe. Bamwe bemezako gukunda bishobora kugwirira umuntu abandi bati umuntu ubwe niwe ubyishyiramo. Ni urugamba nk’izindi.

Ese koko urukundo rwaba ari impumyi? Twifashishije inararibonye n’abahanga batandukanye umuntu ashobora gusubiza kino kibazo nubwo abantu batabivugaho rumwe. Shakespeare mugitabo cye The Merchant of Venice agira ati:“Urukundo ni impumyi kandi abakundana ntibashobora kubona.” Ibi byanditswe hakaba hashize imyaka isaga 400. Ibi bikaba byaratumye n’abandi bahanga babigenderaho bareba imikorere y’ubwonko kubihereranye n’urukundo.

Inyigo 2005 zakozwe n’impuguke mu by’ubuzima muri kaminuza ya Rutgers, Helen Fisher na bagenzi be bagerageje gukora ibizamini by’ubwonko ku bagabo n’abagore 17 bagaragazaga ibimenyetso byo kuba basajijwe n’urukundo. Buri shusho yagaragaye mu bwonko yagaragaraga nk’iboneka mu bwonko igihe umuntu yanyoye cocaine. Ibi biraza bigaragaza uburyo urukundo rushobora kuba ikiyobyabwenge nkuko bivugwa hanze aha.

Ngo burya uko ukunze umuntu , ninako n’urusobe rw’ubwonko rugenda ruhatirwa gukunda. Fisher we yemezako urukundo ari impumyi. Mukubishimangira yanditse igitabo kigira kiti :Why Him? Why Her? ashaka kugaragaza ibyiyumvo by’abantu bari murukundo.

Iyo ubwonko bwamaze kubyakira niho umuntu atangira guhitamo umuntu yahundagazaho urwo rukundo. Urukundo ruba impumyi by’agahebuzo iyo warangije guhitamo uwo muzabana, ariko ntabwo biba bikabije iyo utarakora uko guhitamo. Fisher yongeraho ko uku guhitamo aba ari nko kwifungirana mu mwobo, ahashobora kugira ibitagenda mu gihe runaka kandi ukaba ugomba kubyihanganira.

Ubundi tuziko urukundo rutagira imipaka, ariko ngo hari abajya guhitamo bahereye ku buryo babayeho, aho bakomoka, amoko, amashuri n’ibindi. Ibyaribyo byose umuntu uhitamo uwo ariwe wese ntaba ashaka kwisondeka doreko n’abantu burya dutandukanye.

Hari igihe usanga uguhitamo kwange atariko kuriya kandi buri wese akanyurwa ukwe. Aha rero niho urukundo rubera impumyi. Aho umuntu yizirika ku mugenzi we kabone niyo abandi baba bamubwira ko imico ye idahwitse. Ku muntu uri mu rukundo ngo imyate y’uwo akunda ayibonamo amaribori nkuko abanyarwanda bakunze kubicamo umugani. Akenshi iyo dushakisha abo tuzafatanya urugendo mu rukundo(sweetheart), umupira uba uri imbere yacu ngo tuwutere cyangwa tuwureke. Mbese dushake ukuntu dushobora kugerageza guhuza ibitekerezo, imico n’utundi tuntu tumwe na tumwe doreko ntabyera ngo de. Ibi nibyo Fisher yise amakarita y’urukundo “love maps”. Aha ngo niho umuntu aba adashobora gukunda uwo ariwe wese keretse iyo abonye hari ibyo bashobora guhuza.

Gordon G. Gallup, umuhanga muby’imyumvire muri kaminuza ya leta yita kubihereranye n’imyumvire i New York muri Albany yemezako abantu bashobora guhitamo bashingiye ku nyungu rusange cyangwa se ibindi. Kubenguka ni ibintu bibaho kandi biba bifite n’icyo bigamije. Gallup agira ati:”ushobora guhura n’umuntu wamubengutswe mukaganira ndetse mukanagirana ibihe byiza”.

Yongeraho ko akabizu ka mbere kadashobora gutuma mugirana umubano wihariye ahubwo gashobora gutuma na gake kari gahari kavaho bitewe n’uburyo byakozwe nk’uko uyu mushakashatsi akomeza abivuga. Tugarutse kubushakashatsi bwa Fisher yemezako ako kabizu (kiss) ka mbere karamutse kanyuze ugahabwa gashobora gutuma bwa buhumyi bw’urukundo bwiyongera bigatuma abifuza gukundana barushaho kwiyumvanamo umwe ku wundi bitagoranye. Iby’urukundo rero murumvako ari amayobera aka wa muririmbyi. Niba uri murukundo nkwifurije umunezero, nawe wageze hagati ukabihirwa ihangane hari igihe bizasobanuka.

Mwibukeko urukundo rutagurwa, ntirwingingwa, ntirwibuririza kandi ntirutoranya. Urukundo ni impano y’imana iguha gukunda mugenzi wawe nk’uko wikunda.

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